Dinnertime Magic ✨
In our family it has always been a priority to do what we can to push the boys towards being “little gourmets” with adventurous palates and acceptance of a wide range of foods. A corner stone of our approach has been to prioritize having family dinners together. We strive to sit down each night and enjoy a meal where one menu is served so that everyone eats the same thing. We try to encourage an environment where the boys can’t strongly dictate what they would and wouldn’t eat or where the parents became short-order cooks preparing each meal to order. Sometimes the dinner menu is bold or unfamiliar; we’ve shared kimchi soup, chana masala and roasted shrimp green goddess salads…other times we all enjoy pepperoni pizza. The goal is that whatever I’m eating, the boys are also eating and visa versa.
Almost everything can be adapted to work for the whole family with minor adjustments to how it is served to account for different chewing/swallowing/feeding abilities. If something is a choking hazard, we will cut it up or mash it up for the boys. If dinner is a hot soup, we will fish out the solids and serve it to the boys without a lot of hot liquid. At first, I thought that spicy foods would be a problem for the boys but they proved to us that they could handle some spice. (If someone at your table is averse to spice, hold off on adding hot peppers when cooking and then place some hot sauce on the table at dinner time to work around around this.)
Shrimp tacos with grilled peach salsa : baby plate and parent plate
The shared dinner allows us to model eating behaviors for our children. My mom once told me “don’t expect your children to eat anything that you yourself don’t eat” and I think the converse of “expect your children to want to eat what you are eating” is also often true. We want the kids to eat vegetables and a variety of foods, so we show them that that is the way we eat too.
We also want to show them that dinner is a relaxed time for connecting with family. If I’m being honest, this is aspirational. Meals at our house are pretty chaotic but we do push ourselves to have some meaningful conversation each night even when we are dead tired.
The Benefits of Eating Together
Anne Fishel, a family counselor and founder of the Family Dinner Project joked “I could be out of business if more families had regular family dinners, because so many of the things that I try to do in family therapy actually get accomplished by regular dinners”.
Benefits of family meals include the following:
Kids who eat family meals eat a wider variety of foods (1) and become less picky eaters (2, 3).
Kids who eat family meals do better at school and are less likely to engage in risky behavior such as smoking or abusing drugs. They are also at lower risk for developing depression, anxiety or an eating disorder. (4, 5, 6, 7)
Preschoolers who eat family meals had a wider vocabulary (8) .
Adults and kids who eat family meals tend to stay slimmer (9, 10, 11).
Family meals tend to be more nutritious (12, 13). One study found that families who eat together are twice as likely to eat the recommended 5 servings of fruits and vegetables (14).
(Note: Even when controlled for family income, single vs two parent families, tutors and after school actives, family meals show a positive impact on children’s health-both physical and mental).
Tips for starting family meals:
Keep it simple. It’s better to share an easy, convenient meal than to skip eating together because of time and energy constraints. When Ramsey was born, we had to make a lot of adjustments in order to maintain a nightly family meal. We simplified meals, tried out a weekly meal delivery kit, shared the job of cooking more evenly and learned to love leftovers. I even started bringing home dinner from the hospital cafeteria on nights when I knew I wouldn’t have time to cook or the fridge was empty. Another night, frozen pizza and a bag salad might have to do. Take-out or delivery shared family-style can be a time saver and a fun treat for the family. Even sandwiches can be enjoyed family-style with all the fixings on the table and everyone eating together. Try not to make dinner a big nightly burden.
An occasional family meal is better than no family meals. Even a few shared meals a week can have positive impact. Research starts to show benefits when families have at least 3 meals together a week. Family meals don’t have to be dinner. If you are having a crazy week and can’t be together during dinner time, you can share a quick family breakfast sometimes during the week. On weekends, a family lunch is also a good option.
It doesn’t have to be 100% participation to make it count. Life can be crazy and families are often pulled in different directions at mealtimes. (Maybe less so during COVID.) Work, school and extra-curriculars can all get in the way of gathering together nightly. Last year, family dinners for our family were often the boys and me with Jason joining half way through. A family meal can qualify as one parent sharing a meal with one child.
This can work with picky eaters too. Many experts encourage there to be a “safe food” served with every meal. The safe food is a reasonably nutritious food that your child is known to like and eat. This is helpful if your picky eater isn’t comfortable eating what you are eating right away. An example of this might be serving a new/unfamiliar dish such a Thai red curry with the safe foods rice and steamed broccoli also available as part of the family meal. This helps to ensure that no one leaves the table hungry, while helping avoid parents as short order cooks who cater a meal to each person’s palate.
