The Sweet Life: Finding Balance with Kids & Sugar

This is the topic that I am asked about the most by parents of young kids. 

Sugar, it seems, is on everyone’s mind.

It’s hard to escape thinking about it.  America is set up so that sugar is everywhere adults and children look.  (My local hardware store and craft shop both make me stand in an aisle of candy when I am waiting to check out.) At the grocery store, as many as 80% of the foods contain sugar and then you still have to stand in an aisle of candy to check out. 

Between how our society is set up and how our biology is set up, it’s pretty easy to feel obsessed with sugar…regardless of whether you are a toddler or a full grown human.  

This is your brain on sugar

There are also biological reasons why sugar can feel hard to resist.  Our brain releases dopamine when we eat sugar which causes feelings of pleasure and satisfaction.  Even smelling baking cookies can cause a surge of dopamine.

In one study, the power of a sugar high was strong enough that rats choose sugar water over cocaine when given the choice. 

Sugar also provides “quick energy”.  It is a simple carbohydrate meaning that it is readily converted into a form of energy easily utilized by our muscles and brain. That’s why marathoners often consume sugary gel packs during races for an energy boost. 

This is also why it is said that humans are hardwired to crave sugar.  When we were hunters and gathers roaming the land there was an advantage to those who were not only bigger and stronger but also those who had energy to quickly fight or flee from danger.  

Feeding sugar: the official stance

The Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommend no added sugars for kids before age 2.  After 2, the recommendation is that added sugars make up less than 10% of the daily calories. 

The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends no added sugar before 2. 

Contrary to the recommendations, studies have shown that 17% of kids’ caloric intake comes from sugar, with about half of that sugar coming from sugary beverages.

To be clear, we are talking about foods with added sugars, not those with naturally occurring sugars. It is not recommended to restrict foods with natural sugars, such as fruit and milk. 

Fruit, while naturally high in sugar, is also high in important nutrients such as fiber, vitamin, minerals and phytonutrients.  Milk contains the sugar lactose but it also has lots of calcium, protein and fat (which babies need a lot of).

Some forms of added sugars can be tricky to identify. Ingredients such as “cane juice” and “malt syrup” are added sugars but might not immediately jump out as such.

Luckily, the nutrition label was recently revised to include the total grams of added sugar per serving under the carbohydrate section.

The psychology of feeding sugar

When parents put too much focus on sugar, either for enjoyment or as something to be avoided, it can make sweet foods an even bigger deal in kids’ minds. 

Too much focus on sugar when feeding can come in many forms:

  • A parent strictly forbidding sugar from their kid’s diet.

  • A family using charged words to describe sweets such as “junk” and “trash”. (Check out my post on food neutrality for more on this topic.)

  • Parents frequently using sweets as a reward or bribe.

Food rewards and bribes are a quite common practice (ie M&Ms for using the potty or a cookie once you’ve finished your broccoli). However, using sweets as a frequent reward may increase a child’s desire to eat them by making them appear more valuable or desirable.  It also can cause sweets to be associated with parental praise/approval. 

Using sweets as a reward for eating dinner or vegetables is especially fraught as it reinforces the idea that sweets are more desirable than the rest of the meal. Needing a reward in order to eat vegetables can ends up making vegetables look more undesirable in kids’ minds. 

Providing a sweet only after a child has cleaned their plate may encourage kids to eat beyond their fullness cues making it trickier for kids to self-regulate appetite and intake (more on that here). 

Some experts in the field of feeding children advocate for sweets to be enjoyed along with a meal instead of after the meal. 

Serving the cookie with dinner does two things:

One, it may lessen food struggles over what is eaten and when. 

Two, it makes eating sweets less of a big deal for kids.  It normalizes the sweet to seem more like any other food that is a part of their diet. 

Another way that parents may bring increased attention to sugar is by strictly forbidding it in their kids’ diets.

Strict food restriction can backfire by putting more, instead of less emphasis on the forbidden food. Studies have shown that highly restrictive feeding practices are linked to higher rates of overeating and weight status in young kids. It is also another potential route to food battles and eating struggles.  

Our approach at home

I’ve struggled myself with finding the ideal balance with sugar and the kids. 

It can be hard to walk the line between feeling too lax or too restrictive.  At one extreme, I image myself as the health zealot bringing applesauce sweetened muffins to other kids’ birthday parties.  On the other extreme I picture myself with cabinets full of surgery foods and drinks, throwing a candy bar to the backseat of the car to a whining kid and telling them to wash it down with some Kool-Aid.  

Neither of these extremes sounds particularly grounded. So what is the best balance in when it comes to sweets and kids?


Ideally, sugary foods should be enjoyed every once in a while.  “Once in a while” may mean different things to different families, but it’s surely more frequent than once a year and less frequent than every meal.  

For our family, we tend to keep sweets out of the house but enjoy them as a family for birthdays, holidays and other special occasions.  We also like to hit coffee shops as a family on the weekends and will get a pastry to share between us. 

We provide fruit very often with meals and snacks. However, it’s not an expectation that fruit is served at every meal. 

We don’t offer soda, juice or other sweeten beverages to the boys regularly.  Instead we stick with water, milk and the occasional smoothie or sparkling water.

Despite the recommendation for no added sugar before the age of 2, we did let our kids have sweets occasionally between the age of 1 and 2.  We found that it was easier to minimize sugar intake when the kids were very young and less aware of what foods were around them.

As our kids continue to grow up, other challenges with feeding sweets will arise. 

The boys will become even more aware of their surroundings and foods beyond what we keep at home.  They will become more independent and better able to negotiate for what they want.  They will spend less time with me and have access to a variety of foods outside the home whether it be at daycare, school or friends’ houses. 

By introducing sweets in our controlled, family setting we are striving to help the boys develop self-regulation and be better prepared to enjoy sweets in moderation as they spread their wings and set out into the world.

What’s your approach to sugar and feeding kids? What has and has not worked well in your household?

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